Guerilla Cricket Volume 1 - Ashes and Election

by James Sherwood

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03:16
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02:53
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credits

released August 12, 2015

tags

tags: comedy London

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: Theme Tune
Take guard! Man the barricades!
Patrol the cover boundary!
At last the time is come.
This is a cricketing emergency.

Hear this call to arms
For every cricket revolutionary.
Take up your bats and stumps
For the Test Match Insurgency.

At first they tried to silence us,
But we would not be silenced
They threatened us with lies,
So we threatened them with violence

Che Guevara, Sangakkara
Joseph Stalin, Douglas Jardine
Robespierre, Darrell Hair
Vladimir Lenin, O’Brien Kevin
Guerilla Cricket

It’s not about the winning,
It’s about how many rules you break
Even in cricket commentary
This is the best advice to take

Pick Guerilla Cricket -
It’s the finest choice you’ll ever make
There’s so much more to cricket than
Rev counters and a slice of cake

At first they tried to sanitise us
And clean up our act
But people like it filthy,
And we know that for a fact.

Fidel Castro, Lennie Pascoe
Carlos the Jackal, Umar Akmal
Mahatma Gandhi, Grant and Andy
Brendan Behan, Austin Ian
Guerilla Cricket

Stick with us, cos you know
We’re not the kind of thing that you see on
The TV and the radio
So Vive La Revolution

At first they tried to buy us
But we would not be bought
OK, we were, but then we ran away,
And we will not be caught.

We would not give up the ghost
When they left us all for dead
They decapitated us,
But we just grew another head

Chairman Mao, Jamie How
Ho Chi Minh, Asif Din
Vaclav Havel, Graham Saville
No Surrender, Percy Fender
Guerilla Cricket
Track Name: England megamix (Ballance and Buttler)
He's got the face of a fat man
Who's just climbed the stairs
Gary Ballance

Prior ain't no loss
Cos we've found someone subtler.
OK, he can't spell Joss
But he also can't spell Butler.

Jos Buttler
Just because he's
Jos Buttler
One S and two Ts
Jos Buttler
Track Name: Australia megamix (Smith, Clarke, and Marsh)
Piggy piggy piggy piggy pig pig pig
Piggy piggy piggy piggy
Piggy piggy piggy piggy
Piggy piggy piggy piggy
Piggy piggy piggy piggy pig pig pig

He used to live in Bondi
And flog pants they call Bonds. I
Heard his ex Lara Bingle
Was prone to a bungle.

But now he's not so silly
He lives in Lilli Pilli
But now I have have been told 'e
Has married Kyly Boldy
Michael Clarke

Michael Clarke Michael Clarke Michael Clarke
Sing the song Michael Clarke Michael Clarke
Sing the song When I say Michael Clarke
Sing the song When I say Not before
Michael Clarke Sing the song When I say
Sing the song Michael Clarke Not before
Not before Michael Clarke Sing the song
Sing the song When I say Michael Clarke.

He's not Geoff, he's not Shaun, he's not Rod, he's not Daniel
He's not Jack, he's not Jamie, he's not Lisa, he's not Paul
He's not Adrian, he's not Andrew, he's not CJ, he's not Christian
He's not Dean, he's not Eric, he's not Edward, he's not John
He's not James, he's not Laura, he's not Paul, he's not Reginald
He's not Steve, he's not William, he's not Amiria, he's not Terry
He's not Brendon, he's not Geoff, he's not Shaun, he's not Rod
Mitchell Marsh
Track Name: Election megamix
Oh my word
You haven't misheard
So let me repeat
That was a LibDem seat.

Labour gain (Labour gain)
Labour gain (Labour, Labour gain)

Tory gain, Tory gain, Tory gain, Tory gain
Tory gain, Tory gain, Tory, Tory gain

It's a Scottish seat but the SNP didn't win it
The SNP didn't win it, the SNP didn't win it
It's a Scottish seat but the SNP didn't win it
We're as surprised as you.

Woman MP

Nakul's crazy UKIP countdown
Nakul's crazy UKIP countdown
Nakul's crazy UKIP countdown

What is that supposed to mean? (What is that supposed to mean?)
What is that supposed to mean?
What is that supposed to mean?

What do you think you are wearing?
You look like a fool.
Your mother's watching this with tears in her eyes.

There's gremlins in the system
There's gremlins in the system
There's gremlins in the system
There's gremlins in the system
There's gremlins in the system
Track Name: Tim Bresnan
He bowls and he bats and he used to be fat and he's from Pontefract
Tim Bresnan
He's never too flash, his first wicket was Nash, and he's got no moustache
Tim Bresnan
He loves to relax and his son is called Max and that's all my facts
About Bresnan
He bowls and he bats and he used to be fat and he's from Pontefract
Tim Bresnan

Timothy Thomas, Tim Tom, Timothy Tomothy Bresnan
Track Name: The Captain's Tale
Well done boys, brilliant stuff
That was their last recognised batsman
We’ve definitely now done enough
Cos that was their last recognised batsman

We’ve got one or two more to get
To give the whole thing some finality
But the result is now as good as set
It’s nothing more than a formality.

Our opponents now are on their last legs
The batters are all out now we’re on to the dregs
Prepare for abject surrender
From every single tailender.

Well, boys, we’ve played brilliantly
We’ve done just what we set out to do
Now just watch I guarantee
They’ll be gone in an over or two.

OK, fifteen overs have passed
This game’s trickier than it appears
These tail-enders are scoring quite fast
And my leggie’s just burst into tears

But it’s not a total disaster
It’s not like we’re on the Titanic.
We just need to bowl a bit faster
Field well and, mainly, not panic

But this team’s in quite creative hands
It’s time for one of my more imaginative plans
Put a third leg slip in play
And get point to face the wrong way

It’s not what every captain would do
But I’ll get him eventually
And if it’s not worked in an hour or two
Then I’ll come up with Plan B.

Well this is ridiculous now
It is getting beyond a joke
Every over they’re taking a bow
Cos a different world record got broke

Now he’s laughing cos he’s got his hundred
I was told he’s an absolute bunny
It’s bad enough when your bowlers get plundered
But must the batting side find it so funny?

I think of things I wish I was doing instead
Like dental work or being dead
This partnership’s awful duration
Is more like a hostage situation

The despair that this moment inspires!
It’s been two hours since the last wicket
I so hate the batsmen, and the umpires
But most of all - God, I hate cricket.