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about

As heard on guerilla cricket.com

lyrics

Well done boys, brilliant stuff
That was their last recognised batsman
We’ve definitely now done enough
Cos that was their last recognised batsman

We’ve got one or two more to get
To give the whole thing some finality
But the result is now as good as set
It’s nothing more than a formality.

Our opponents now are on their last legs
The batters are all out now we’re on to the dregs
Prepare for abject surrender
From every single tailender.

Well, boys, we’ve played brilliantly
We’ve done just what we set out to do
Now just watch I guarantee
They’ll be gone in an over or two.

OK, fifteen overs have passed
This game’s trickier than it appears
These tail-enders are scoring quite fast
And my leggie’s just burst into tears

But it’s not a total disaster
It’s not like we’re on the Titanic.
We just need to bowl a bit faster
Field well and, mainly, not panic

But this team’s in quite creative hands
It’s time for one of my more imaginative plans
Put a third leg slip in play
And get point to face the wrong way

It’s not what every captain would do
But I’ll get him eventually
And if it’s not worked in an hour or two
Then I’ll come up with Plan B.

Well this is ridiculous now
It is getting beyond a joke
Every over they’re taking a bow
Cos a different world record got broke

Now he’s laughing cos he’s got his hundred
I was told he’s an absolute bunny
It’s bad enough when your bowlers get plundered
But must the batting side find it so funny?

I think of things I wish I was doing instead
Like dental work or being dead
This partnership’s awful duration
Is more like a hostage situation

The despair that this moment inspires!
It’s been two hours since the last wicket
I so hate the batsmen, and the umpires
But most of all - God, I hate cricket.

credits

from Guerilla Cricket Volume 1 - Ashes and Election, released August 12, 2015

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